Rules of Acquisition
The Rules of Acquisition are a series of 285 aphorisms, guidelines, and rules of conduct for business in Ferengi culture. According to legend, _____, the first Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance, coined the first Rule, remembered as #162. (The legend further states that ____ numbered the Rule as the 162nd in order to create demand for the first 161. Some Federation cultural historians are dubious as to the validity of this claim.) The following is a list of the Rules known to the Federation. Official Rules Number Rule Source 1 Once you have their money, you never give it back. The Nagus (DS9) 3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to. The Maquis, Part II (DS9) 6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. The Nagus (DS9) 7 Keep your ears open. In the Hands of the Prophets (DS9) 8 Small print leads to large risk. Legends of the Ferengi 9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. The Storyteller (DS9) 10 Greed is eternal. Prophet Motive (DS9) 13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. Legends of the Ferengi 16 A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along. Melora (DS9) 17 A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between Ferengi. Body Parts (DS9) 18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. Heart of Stone (DS9) 19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Legends of the Ferengi 21 Never place friendship above profit. Rules of Acquisition (DS9) 22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind. Rules of Acquisition (DS9) 23 Nothing is more important than your health... except for your money. Acquisition (ENT) 27 There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. Legends of the Ferengi 28 Whisper your way to success. Treachery, Faith, and the Great River (DS9) 31 Never insult a Ferengi's mother. Insult something he cares about instead. The Siege (DS9) 33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss. Rules of Acquisition (DS9) 34 War is good for business. Destiny (DS9) 35 Peace is good for business. Destiny (DS9) 40 She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum. Legends of the Ferengi 41 Profit is its own reward. Legends of the Ferengi 44 Never confuse wisdom with luck. Legends of the Ferengi 47 Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than yours. Rivals (DS9) 48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. Rules of Acquisition (DS9) 52 Never ask when you can take. Legends of the Ferengi 57 Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them. Armageddon Game (DS9) 58 There is no substitute for success. Legends of the Ferengi 59 Free advice is seldom cheap. Rules of Acquisition (DS9) 60 Keep your lies consistent. Legends of the Ferengi 62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit. Rules of Acquisition (DS9) 65 Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff. Legends of the Ferengi 74 Knowledge equals profit. Inside Man (VGR) 75 Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum. Civil Defense (DS9) 76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. The Homecoming (DS9) 79 Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. Legends of the Ferengi 82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price. Legends of the Ferengi 85 Never let the competition know what you're thinking. Legends of the Ferengi 89 Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits. Legends of the Ferengi 94 Females and finances don't mix. Ferengi Love Songs (DS9) 95 Expand or die. False Profits (DS9), Acquisition (ENT)** 97 Enough... is never enough. Legends of the Ferengi 98 Every man has his price. In the Pale Moonlight (DS9) 99 Trust is the biggest liability of all. Legends of the Ferengi 102 Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever. The Jem'Hadar (DS9) 103 Sleep can interfere with your lust for latinum. Rules of Acquisition (DS9) 104 Faith moves mountains... of inventory. Legends of the Ferengi 106 There is no honor in poverty. Legends of the Ferengi 109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. Rivals (DS9) 111 Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them. Past Tense, Part I (DS9), The Darkness and the Light (DS9) 112 Never have sex with the boss's sister. Playing God (DS9) 113 Always have sex with the boss. Legends of the Ferengi 121 Everything is for sale, even friendship. Legends of the Ferengi 123 Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum. Legends of the Ferengi 125 You can't make a deal if you're dead. Legends of the Ferengi 139 Wives serve, brothers inherit. Necessary Evil (DS9) 141 Only fools pay retail. Legends of the Ferengi 144 There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket. Legends of the Ferengi 162 Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit. Legends of the Ferengi 168 Whisper your way to success. Legends of the Ferengi 177 Know your enemies... but do business with them always. Legends of the Ferengi 181 Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. Legends of the Ferengi 189 Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. Legends of the Ferengi 190 Hear all, trust nothing. Call to Arms (DS9) 192 Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it. Legends of the Ferengi 194 It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door. Whispers (DS9) 202 The justification for profit is profit. Legends of the Ferengi 203 New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back. Little Green Men (DS9) 208 Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer. Ferengi Love Songs (DS9) 211 Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them. The Bar Association (DS9) 214 Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach. The Maquis, Part I 217 You can't free a fish from water. Past Tense, Part I 218 Always know what you're buying. Legends of the Ferengi 223 Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. Legends of the Ferengi 229 Latinum lasts longer than lust. Ferengi Love Songs (DS9) 236 You can't buy fate. Legends of the Ferengi 239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product. Body Parts (DS9) 242 More is good. All is better. Legends of the Ferengi 255 A wife is a luxury. A smart accountant is a necessity. Legends of the Ferengi 261 A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. Legends of the Ferengi 263 Don't let doubt interfere with your lust for latinum. The Bar Association (DS9) 266 When in doubt, lie. Legends of the Ferengi 284 Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi. Legends of the Ferengi 285 No good deed ever goes unpunished. The Collaborator (DS9) ** Rule of Acquisition #95 was quoted as Rule #45 in Acquisition (ENT). I'm more inclined to believe the writers who made the Ferengi a truly entertaining race rather than the writers who couldn't remember that the Federation made First Contact with the Ferengi in 2364, not 2151. The unofficial Rules have been quoted on screen, but either were not given a number, not explicitly stated to be a Rule, or were not part of the generally-accepted canon by the Ferengi Commerce Authority. Unofficial Rules Number Rule Source 142 Only fools sell wholesale. (See Rule #141) 286 When Morn leaves, it's all over. The House of Quark (DS9) 299 After you've exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them next time. False Profits (VGR) – Exploitation starts at home. False Profits (VGR) – Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity. The Bar Association (DS9) Bibliography #Behr, Ira Steven. The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. New York: Pocket Books, 1995. #Behr, Ira Steven and Robert Hewitt Wolfe. Legends of the Ferengi. New York: Pocket Books, 1997.